Mid-Michigan Date Nights: A Revue Guide to Rocking Romance, the Non-Lame Way

February time has arrived, and we all know what that means. It's that special selection of year-tide when magic is in the air and love is on everybody's lips — much like puke upon a drunkard's the morning after. That's why we here at Revue Mid-Michigan have gathered together a collective date night guide for the cheap, the newbies, the outdoorsie folks, the salacious, and the, erm, serial dumpers. So, fight the urge to spend hundreds of dollars on President's Day decorations; this year, it's time to focus on the day of St. Valentine, for once. Here's how.

First Date

Art Unlimited, 4692 Okemos Rd., Okemos
artunlimitedgallery.net, (517) 349-8278

Max and Emily's, 125 East Broadway St., Mount Pleasant
maxandemilys.net, (989) 772-7460

As loathe as we are to write something that could be credibly filed under the heading of "cutesy-cute," even us jaded love-haters have to admit there's something undeniably enduring about the concept of the first date. Finding the perfect spot to make the magic generate is, naturally, only half the battle, but a fairly significant half it is. For the outside-the-box, nonconforming lothario, we've got some first date suggestions that make the boring dinner and a movie standby sound like a trip to the dentist.

Over in Okemos - the city that's always been Lansing's spunky, Punky Brewster-esque little sister - we have Art Unlimited: a DIY art studio where patrons can gather to paint their own pottery, embark on designs ranging from simple to complex, and take an active role in the creative process. With a choice between tackling a colored stone mosaic project, conceiving a glass-fusion piece, or the aforementioned pottery painting (or all three, if one happens to be both nonconforming and ambitious), Art Unlimited provides the ultimate opportunity to engage in a getting-to-know-you conversation while generating a unique relic to commemorate the occasion with your date.

But, if hands-on art projects aren't really your style, Max and Emily's in Mount Pleasant is the kind of joint for the traditional eating first date without a huge helping of the traditional banality. As one former CMU-er pointed out, "everything is better with soup," and so it is, especially at M&E's. With an extensive soup and sandwich menu designed to make your mouth water even more than your date's sexy mug will, you're guaranteed good food and, at the very least, a meticulously awesome deli selection to keep the conversation from running cold.

Cheap Date

Looking to strike up some love without a broken bank account to match an (inevitable) broken heart? Well, in that case, it's bowling time, baby! Several thousand years ago, the game of bowling was patented by ancient Greek scholars for the sole purpose of giving Zeus somewhere inconspicuous and inexpensive to take the mortal women he was planning to seduce - hey, you don't become King of the Gods by spending. (Liability notice: the history of bowling outlined here may or may not be based on speculation.) Today, the tradition continues rolling on strong, as lively and viable an option as ever. Some might even say that the invention of the bowling alley staple condom machine gives modern humankind something of a leg-up on our seven-10 forbearers. It's better to be knocking down pins than knocking up... well, you get the idea.

That's why the Airport Lanes bowling alley in Jackson provides the perfect locale for love, nifty, thrifty-style. After tossing several balls down that long, greased-up lane (and no, that's not a metaphor for you-know-what, perv), you and your paramour-to-be can swing on over to the alley's Little Caesar's for some hot-n-ready romance that's only $5. Remember that famous scene from Lady and the Tramp with the spaghetti? Well, we're thrilled to report that it works with pepperoni pizza, too. Top off your delicious - and deliciously cheap - dinner with a stop over to Airport Lanes' Saddle Saloon, where there are fairly priced drinks to be had and poker matches to be won. And what better way to top off a cheap date than with some cash winnings? You'll even get to impress your companion by turning over your prize to the needy, thus fulfilling the "charity" part of Saddle Saloon's Charity Poker event.

Outdoor Date

Now, lord only knows why anyone in the great state of Michigan would actively choose to undertake an outdoor date during the month of February. (Seriously, did you really forget that where you're living right now used to be a glacier?) But, however, if you absolutely insist on taking the romance outside of a centrally heated atmosphere, it would be far beyond the realm of our responsibility to talk you out of it. Besides, even we have to admit there's something to that whole getting warm and snuggling up afterward thing.

That said, here's what we've got for ya: just to the north and west of Lansing resides the sort of unforgettable outdoor, nature-centric date that even a steely-eyed lover of tropical temperatures would find irresistible: Fitzgerald Park, located in the quaint city of Grand Ledge. Dubbed the "home of the ledges," this lovely Eaton County outdoor adventure is filled with cliffs galore, gorgeous older-than-time geological mastery, sedimentary rock beds, and comes equipped with three miles worth of breathtakingly scenic hikes, an impressive sledding hill, and a few cross-country skiing paths. Open all year from 8 a.m. to sunset, Fitzgerald Park's website dubs this patch of land a "78 acre oasis," and given the lush, aesthetically overwhelming surroundings, it's not at all hard to see where that reputation stems from.

Romance-wise, a long, leisurely stroll through Fitzgerald Park, hand-in-hand with your lover du jour, is nothing short of a one-way ticket back into the bedroom invite. Hell, we'll even go so far as to divulge that we know from personal experience. Like the park itself, the streaming hours between the hike and the spike proved a memory that will last a lifetime, even if the guy in question was instantly forgettable.

Here, we've come to the section that you've all been panting with eager anticipation for: the sexy date. At Revue Mid-Michigan, we'd like to think we're pretty intimately acquainted with our readers, so something tells us you won't need much prodding to look for the sort of date that readily results in a healthy dose of physical friction. Nonetheless, it's our sworn and solemn duty to report upon the offerings of the fleshy kind, and thus, here is our compilation of salacious, perhaps even scandalous, date options.

As we reported on last year, the appearance of roller derby leagues and teams in the Mid-Michigan area is flourishing faster than right-wing control of the government. And really, what's sexier than a gaggle of tatted up, ripped and raucous ladies tearing it up it up on the roller rink? The fishnets, the bumping, the grinding... it's all designed to inflame the senses, as Ned Flanders, the master of all things unclasped and sexified, would say. Over in Jackson, the Jack Town Rollers have been bringing the pain since 2009, and catching a February match with the object of your sweaty affection is almost guaranteed to result in some hot, angry, horizontal maneuvers. E-mail league manager Sarah Bellum Crusher at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for the latest match date and location info, and be sure to name the end product of your after-bout screwing in her honor! (Or, uh, something like that.)

Right on the cusp of East Lansing is another sexy date option: the infamous Mac's Bar. In specific, we're thinking of the club's much attended Neon Tuesdays. The beats are brazen, the crowd is kicking, the perspiration is pouring, the hips are clashing... the only way a date here couldn't end in some nookie would be in the event of a tornado. And twister season in Michigan ain't until summertime.

Fleetwood Diner, 2211 South Cedar St., Lansing
(517) 267-7606

OK, we've had a good run; but now, it's time for things to end. We've both gotta move on, and neither of us can realistically say we didn't see this coming from an expert shot putter's distance away. It's been fun, but we're ready for what comes next.

Of course, we're speaking here about the conclusion of this column. But the above sentiments could also easily be applied to the ever elusive, airtight break-up formula. And while we've had a fun, sometimes wild, ride, bringing you every date option from the first to the headboard breaking, we've reached an important juncture in our narrative that calls for the end of things. What better way to wrap it all up than with a list of break-up date spots?

Now, let's get to the point: you're looking to break up with someone, but need the most sanitized, non-public scene inducing locale in which to do so. Enter Woody's, East Lansing's home of the notorious Cocaine Lady, a borderline toxic beverage concoction. After liquoring your flamed-out flame with several of these firebrand spirits, any words that emerge from your lips won't be met with anything but tacit acceptance. And if the booze isn't enough to get the deed done, the Fleetwood Diner of Lansing is ready and willing to take the spillover. Open 24 hours, with a bigger, all-day breakfast selection than your average, hole-in-the-ghetto diner, bringing your date to the Fleetwood for some pancakes with a side of rejection is a surefire way to end things as seamlessly and smoothly as possible. Besides, who's going to put up a fuss when there's an endless supply of maple syrup to sate the sorrow? Forget falling in love; with a serving of crisp, greasy bacon right in front of you, well, that's about all the happiness one ever needs.

Where to Pop the Question

You've found the one who makes your heart flutter, and now it's time to seal the deal with a proposal that will make her melt. Whether you want the thrill of a public setting or privacy, these mid-Michigan locations are the most romantic spots to get down on one knee.

Lansing
State Capitol Building
100 N. Capitol Ave., council.legislature.mi.gov, (517) 373-2353
Create history with your sweetheart at the Capitol. Take a tour, and don't forget to gaze up at the starry sky painted inside the rotunda. Complete your visit on the Capitol steps overlooking downtown Lansing, a perfect setting for asking those four little words.

East Lansing
Beaumont Tower, Michigan State University
msu.edu/~carillon, (517) 432-4066
Lead her to the charming Beaumont Tower. "There's a long-standing tradition of a couple's first kiss at the tower, or photos after weddings," said University Carillonneur Ray McLellan. To request a song, contact Ray.

Mount Pleasant
Country Chalet and Edelweiss Bed and Breakfast
723 S. Meridian Road, countrychalet.net, (989) 772-9259
This cozy spot will give you a taste of Bavarian style without having to escape to Europe. For breakfast, indulge in heart-shaped hash browns and waffles. Head to the scenic hillside for hiking and cross-country skiing.

Jackson
Ella Sharp Museum Farmhouse,
3225 Fourth St., ellasharp.org, (517) 787-2320
Tour the Victorian farmhouse and pop the question in the parlor where Ella was married. "It's a beautiful room with a fireplace, and it would be lovely with candles and flowers," said Collections Manager Judy Horn.